perfectionism
is a drug
free and lethal
spiny thorns that press
to a fixed place
cracks give me peace
it wasn’t always the case
I want to know what’s waving
outside the frame
I was named after a waitress
I was born under the same sky
as Jesus
define me by my sex
my gender
my queerness
my bank account
my body
my art
my mind
I’ll wriggle from that grip
and wave my middle finger
who I love
how I love
who I am
what I make
with my hands
my heart
how I live is—
I’m still learning.
shame is a social contract
I threw the briefcase
in the dumpster
lit a match
I get to be a woman
gift.
years spent hiding
from my shape
my hunger
for food
for sex
for love
for life
good grind
flash dance
dirt pan
goddamn
shower shock
dog walk
day fuck
rain kiss
light switch
shirt slide
good goodbye
skirt lift
punch drunk
honey sucked
night drive
fast lane
gear between
my thighs
hot held gaze
big belly laugh
tall glass
thirst quenched
tongue.
balm
of good good sweat
famine makes for a hungry ghost
to think
I believed my body
had betrayed me
female pushing out
from inside skin
puberty, a nail I snagged my life on
unraveled the fabric and left me
more naked
than I’ve ever been
wept from my breast
the world made an object
out of me
I obliged
hid my size
shame filled all the corners
thought I had to be a man
a good girl
a soft pet
a hard edge
to live in this world
one more lie
I told myself.
I betrayed me.
it’s our earth
yang and beautiful fucking yin
I’ll be your man on Tuesday
your woman on Thursday
and all the in-between
of glorious goddamn human sheen
say yes to my feet
they’ve carried me this far
sturdy
I’ll read the book tomorrow
and know I lived it
with all it’s imperfections
contradictions
superstitions
love is the nail hit hard
steam whack
tear smack
worth it
feel
feel
feel
the car coming around the bend
all the beginnings are some
gruesome end
to gulp
quivering lips
head tossed back
cheers
and lift the glass
we’re just getting started
I’m not the sum of my parts
me
Jenny P
P.D. Marie
J Parks
Jen Jen
daughter
sister
lover
kid
smalls
she.
artist
friend
beloved
woman
girl
human
bad guy
apple of an eye
I
honey
baby
love
letters can’t contain
what lives
in here
but in dark
I go limp
when you call my name
hot breath catching
in the mouth
say it again
and again
and again
I want to know
this me
of desired
the measure of success
the world defines
as worth—
t h i e v e s
breaking the house
of soul
Smash the measuring cups
my becoming
is unbecoming
this is reclamation
this is lost and found
onion left too long in the sun
translucent skin
dried and falling
to dirt
I can’t wait to disappear
pig in the mud
I’m eating mess with both hands
never felt so clean
bored with spick and span
face to the eyesore
lick my fingers
spread wide
earth
me
you
sea
we’ve only just met
city of salt
is where I’ll plant my flag
red and ringing
wound kissed clean
by ocean
I’m hanging up my tie
and god’s robes
the leash
the strap
the sap sick spell of idol
God spelled backwards is dog
I’m neither
round rose throb
of female bud
I’m ready
to redefine you.
eat the cake
in your hands
I’ll take this dance.
silk is feelings so good
so good on my skin.
woman.
make a home in me.