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Photography by Adam Coleman

perfectionism

is a drug

free and lethal

spiny thorns that press

to a fixed place

cracks give me peace

it wasn’t always the case

I want to know what’s waving

outside the frame

I was named after a waitress

I was born under the same sky

as Jesus


define me by my sex

my gender

my queerness

my bank account

my body

my art

my mind

I’ll wriggle from that grip

and wave my middle finger


who I love

how I love

who I am

what I make

with my hands

my heart

how I live is—

I’m still learning.


shame is a social contract

I threw the briefcase

in the dumpster

lit a match

I get to be a woman

gift.

years spent hiding

from my shape

my hunger

for food

for sex

for love

for life

good grind

flash dance

dirt pan

goddamn

shower shock

dog walk

day fuck

rain kiss

light switch

shirt slide

good goodbye

skirt lift

punch drunk

honey sucked

night drive

fast lane

gear between

my thighs

hot held gaze

big belly laugh

tall glass

thirst quenched

tongue.

balm

of good good sweat

famine makes for a hungry ghost


to think

I believed my body

had betrayed me

female pushing out

from inside skin

puberty, a nail I snagged my life on

unraveled the fabric and left me

more naked

than I’ve ever been

wept from my breast

the world made an object

out of me

I obliged

hid my size

shame filled all the corners

thought I had to be a man

a good girl

a soft pet

a hard edge

to live in this world

one more lie

I told myself.

I betrayed me.

it’s our earth

yang and beautiful fucking yin


I’ll be your man on Tuesday

your woman on Thursday

and all the in-between

of glorious goddamn human sheen

say yes to my feet

they’ve carried me this far

sturdy

I’ll read the book tomorrow

and know I lived it

with all it’s imperfections

contradictions

superstitions


love is the nail hit hard

steam whack

tear smack

worth it

feel

feel

feel

the car coming around the bend

all the beginnings are some

gruesome end

to gulp

quivering lips

head tossed back

cheers

and lift the glass


we’re just getting started


I’m not the sum of my parts

me

Jenny P

P.D. Marie

J Parks

Jen Jen

daughter

sister

lover

kid

smalls

she.

artist

friend

beloved

woman

girl

human

bad guy

apple of an eye

I

honey

baby

love

letters can’t contain

what lives

in here

but in dark

I go limp

when you call my name

hot breath catching

in the mouth

say it again

and again

and again

I want to know

this me

of desired


the measure of success

the world defines

as worth—

t h i e v e s

breaking the house

of soul


Smash the measuring cups


my becoming

is unbecoming

this is reclamation

this is lost and found

onion left too long in the sun

translucent skin

dried and falling

to dirt

I can’t wait to disappear

pig in the mud

I’m eating mess with both hands

never felt so clean

bored with spick and span

face to the eyesore

lick my fingers

spread wide


earth

me

you

sea

we’ve only just met

city of salt

is where I’ll plant my flag

red and ringing

wound kissed clean

by ocean

I’m hanging up my tie

and god’s robes

the leash

the strap

the sap sick spell of idol

God spelled backwards is dog

I’m neither

round rose throb

of female bud

I’m ready

to redefine you.

eat the cake

in your hands

I’ll take this dance.

silk is feelings so good

so good on my skin.

woman.

make a home in me.

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