Somehow
Somehow
I take in air
unseeable something
filling insides
breath. why do we need
you. what do the plants
need? Something
i forgot
from biology class
a thirteen year old
face down
a chipped desk
chair attached
puddle of drool
a place to rest
my bed
a different place
sheets for sealing
secrets. anatomy
I didn’t know
I owned
fuzzy bodies
a TV/VCR combo
I wanted to know
what touch made
my ass groped
in the hallway
pushing past
lockers
eyes fixed
on shoes. I didn’t
even dream
you then. Chlorophyll.
Is that what
plants need?
the sweetness
of female
sleeping be
side me
friend. in
timacy like a mist
I couldn’t get
my hands
around. tender
kisses gentle
practice
for the chapped
mouths of boys
with cheetohs
in their teeth
8th grade
a hotel room
16 girls with curl
ers in their hair
dutifully fluffing
pom poms
on the floor
but no one cared
if we won
we left glitter
coated kisses
on the window
overlooking seaworld
mouths puckered
for someone
we didn’t know
yet
we thought
we were funny
running naked
through halls
tripping
over discarded
room service. little
fingers pressing
the button
for the el
evator
ding.
doors opening
to a man
in a suit
bewildered
by a huddle
of pinky
flesh. brand new
tits. untouched ass
we shrieked
but felt no shame
we didn’t know
what shame was
yet
freedom
in lightweight
frames
we lay three
to a bed
listening to TLC
repeat
on the boombox
What was sleep
Wanting to touch
those lips
again
something in
my hips
whispering
one day
one day
one day
you
one day
i fall so hard
i crack my head
and flowers fly out
start melting in air
the craziest thing
a thing that can’t
be believed
with eyes
love that knocks
your teeth out
a seventeen
year old
on a scooter
crush like fire
looked and saw
my life.
April. a spring
spools of film
spilling out
of our ribs
our thighs
fear that blinds.
I lost my
step
lost my
self
you.
trying to make
a life
That meant
I could keep—
most times
i can’t remember
if I’m real
are you?
easy
easy
easy
sliding
into the bed
room with the red
light. trying to for
get. i left my shame
outside
this time.
my mind a miss
fire. like somehow
somewhere
in New York
some slip
of meta
physics you were feel
ing the pleasure
i was giving
her. squint
and pretend
but she isn’t.
no one is.
i threw some pennies
in a fountain
and wished
for your bliss
i meant my wishes
bugs flying around
leaves swinging
in the breeze
and thought
May
be i would like
to be a tree
rooted in earth
beside another
no.
it’s in the choosing
to stay. drought
and down
pour
that
makes
all
the
difference.
i’d cut my arms off
to be able
to fall into our bed
then i’d have nothing
to hold
you with
and this
is just
the riddle. sun
water soil
put those in
my lungs
i don’t become
a tree
i breath
air like hu
man beings are
wont to do.
and air can’t
be the only
invisible—
we need.
if tree
has need
for water he
is a scream
in search
of a mouth.
that scream
in me
looking
for a way—
my hips
whispering
one day
one day
one day
you.
and if I never
I’ll remember
I’ll remember
I’ll remember